I Mean, I COULD Date You...Or I Could Go Mack It Out With That Asshole Over There.

Every girl wants to find a nice, sweet, caring guy to be with, right?  They want flowers and kisses on their forehead and their parents to absolutely adore the guy they bring home.  Well, I feel like I missed this day of Relationship School.  After many dates, and many attempts, I have found that I am completely and utterly unable to feel any kind of spark with a nice, clean-cut, "normal" guy.  I am totally that girl who is horrifically turned on by guys who treat me like crap.  Not that I'm saying I would ever put up with a guy who hit me or talked down to me, I'm talking about those guys that lead you on and, let's face it, are totally banging other girls on the side.  And of course, the more tattoos the better.  Piercings I could give or take.  But aesthetically-wise, I'm just not into the whole polo shirt and brown leather belt look.  And I want either a shaved head that I can incessantly rub or long curly hair that I twirl my fingers around.

Now, I realize that this love of douchebags is a habit I should probably break because ultimately, I'm not really trying to end up with a guy who "works" late at the office every night.  But for some reason, I just can't bring myself to get any kind of butterflies around a guy that I know would treat me amazing.  It's like I don't trust them.  Just like for the longest time I didn't trust guys with blonde hair.  Don't ask me why.  They just creeped me out.

So here's my question.

What is it about jerky guys that us girls find so appealing?  Why do we get a rush out of sitting by the phone, feeling absolutely miserable yet drastically hopeful, waiting for you stupid boys to call us?  And when you DO call us, it's most likely to cancel plans last minute.  There must be some kind of hormonal drive that makes us girls go from 0 to 60 every time we're lucky enough to receive a brief moment of attention from you.  When we're with you, all we do is bitch to our friends about how we wish you were nicer, but then when we find someone nicer, all of a sudden they're boring.  It's almost like a non-sexual version of never wanting to actually date the hoe at the frat party that everyone knows puts out after 3 Jack and cokes.

For example, tonight I went on this date (our second) with a really truly nice awesome guy.  But besides the fact that he's just too clean-cut for me, he's just TOO nice.  But THEN I think about how this is all so stereotypical of me because if this guy just had an arm sleeve and a buzz cut, yet still was as nice as he is now, I would probably be totally into him.  And at what age is it time to be like, you know what?  We are far too old to be playing this high school game of will-he-or-won't-he-call.  

I think what I need is a guy who, underneath his business suit, has my name tattooed across his ass.