What's In A Name? A Steady Income And 401K.

Ok, so as you've probably come to realize, Alexis wants to be a writer.  I really can't imagine doing anything else, and for me, a fun thing to do with my free time is writing a story.  It's my little literary induced sport.  Some people kick around a soccer ball, I kick around adjectives and nouns.  I was driving somewhere with my mom the other day and out of nowhere she turns to me and goes, "I think you should change your name."

Obviously I was quite surprised considering she was the one who GAVE me my name.  But then she followed up with the reasoning that my last name is just a bit too Russian and that some people might have an aversion to buying a book written by someone with such a vodka induced moniker.  I told her I thought this was ridiculous, but then when I mentioned it to my sister she agreed.  The bottom line is that my name is too long and confusing and I guess some people with a giant stick up their ass might be intimidated by my fabulous russian self that could kick said ass any day of the week.  When I was having this conversation with my mom, I said sarcastically, "Well what the hell do you want me to be called, Alexis Elizabeth?" (this being my first and middle name).  Well dear sweet Patti just flipped for this and as she went on ranting and raving it occurred to me for the first time ever that there is a strong possibility that I will never be able to walk into a book store and see a book with my real first and last name on the shelves, just like I've always wanted.

So then when I was continuing this conversation with my sister and brother the other night, my sister told me that Alexis Elizabeth was only good if I were writing some big medical journal.  

"You need a name like Mary Higgins Clark," she told me, "that name alone is the only reason I started reading her books."  

Apparently my sister liked the soft femininity of Mary and the tough masculine sound of Higgins Clark.  All of this started making a lot of sense to me.  After all, what's more creative that coming up with your own name?

So Mike, Lisa, and I started coming up with possible names for me.  There was the idea (although really just a joke, but you'll get the point), of calling myself H.G. Wels (one L, not two), and writing a book called "The Slightly Translucent Man", instead of "The Invisible Man".  The drinks we were consuming at the time made this far more amusing than it is right now I'm sure.

So when I went home that night I started thinking about writing in general, and how most authors always seem to be quirky and eccentric and want to keep to themselves.  To this I say bullshit.  Writers are probably the most narcissistic breed out there.  We put ourselves into every single thing we write; fiction, non-fiction, whatever.  We want people to read it and we want people to ask questions and wonder if this is based on truth, and we want to seem like the most interesting, original, heart-breaking, wonderful person on earth.  Writers are simply actors who don't think they have a face pretty enough to be on camera.  I mean, when's the last time you've opened up to the back flap of the book where the authors always have that little picture of themselves and thought "Shiiiiiiit son, I'd tap that through Thursday."  Not to completely sell myself out as a girl, but you know that episode of Sex & the City where Carrie's shooting her book cover?  I think we should all take a page from that and start doing full on photo shoots for that little back-flap black and white picture.  Lay down on a bearskin rug, pose in a bubble bath, run through a field of daises, jump up and down on a trampoline, whatever.  Let's bring the sex appeal back into stories, shall we?