Dear...

Dear Virginity,

Remember me?  It's been awhile, I know.  Anyway, just thought I'd drop in to see how you were doing, check what you've been up to these past five or six years.  How's the love life?  Kidding ;)

I know I've written about you before, both in my blog and in my school paper, but I've never really written to you, which I guess is the point of this whole letter-writing thing.  Anyway, it must be nice, or at least make you feel damn important, to be such a milestone in people's lives.  You can really make or break a person.  Depending on how long we hold onto you is the deciding factor on what makes us conservative or slutty or, how do I say this, a contestant on Beauty and the Geek or The Pick-up Artist.

I don't think there are two losing-your-virginity stories that are exactly the same, which is quite a testament to your versatility.  You're like a hormonally-charged snowflake.  I guess I should take a second to thank you for allowing me to lose you in the way I did, when I did, and to who I did.  It helps that he's still one of my most trusted friends.  And still a good kisser.  And still gives me a back rub every time we hang out.  Yep, thanks for picking me a good one.

Now, I don't know if you're like Santa and there's just one of you that goes around to all the kiddies of the world, or if there's a bajillion of you assigned to each individual person on earth.  But in case there is just one of you, or in case you all hang out together and have poker nights on Wednesdays after hitting the Old Country Buffet, try to hang on to kid's today a tiny bit longer.  I hate the fact that there are fourteen and fifteen year olds out there dry humping the shit out of each other.  You may put the Maury show out of business but whatever.

Alright, I know I had more questions for you but it's kinda Christmas morning and I kinda have to go open some presents.  Merry Christmas Virginity, miss you.  Actually, no, no I don't.

Sincerely,

Me