Thursday, August 11, 2011

Why Are You Freaking Out? All I Did Was Call You Pretty.

Don't call me cute. Don't call me cute, don't call me pretty, don't call me hot.

Cute is what you call a baby, a puppy. Basically anything that is under 15 pounds and can't wipe its own ass. Hot is what high school girls with self-proclaimed social superiority and closeted self-esteem problems strive to be called every time they squeeze their underaged beer gut into an eighty dollar tube top bought with daddy's credit card. And pretty can best be described in the following conversation:

Girl: "Hi! My friend Suzy thinks you're so hot! What do you think about her???"
Boy: "Uhhh...yeah. She's, um, pretty I guess."

Translation: Suzy's a fuckin wildebeest.

So what should you call a gal? Call us beautiful, call us gorgeous, call us breath-taking, stunning, perfect. And when the mood is right, call us sexy.

But fellas, please mean it when you say it. That's the difference between calling a girl "cute" and calling her "beautiful". Calling us cute means you don't really mean it. It's just something you're throwing out there the same way people tack "lol" onto the end of every text. It's basically an insult as this point. Now, if you call us beautiful, chances are you mean it. Cause even guys are smart enough to know that calling a girl beautiful is going to reel her in for the real deal. When we're called gorgeous or stunning or any of the other words I mentioned as desirable adjective for a lady, we're assuming you see us as something more than just the average girl on the street. And we like that. A lot.

I guess there's not a whole lot more to say on the subject...oh, except that we girls can also tell when you're calling us beautiful just cause you think it's what we want to hear and you can get in our pants that way. In fact, just assume we know everything :)



2 comments:

MonicaP.Ganter said...

Spot on!

Anonymous said...

You actually are beautiful, it just wasn't my place to tell you on Saturday.