This is the little burst of genius that spilled out of my friend's mouth the other night. Like most things in life, it took me a second to catch on, but once I did I was totally on board. I mean, think about it: the rate of beer-goggle-induced one night stands would plummet dramatically. There would be a shockingly wonderful drop in the feeling of "Oh my god, I hate myself right now" after you wake up in the morning and roll over and see the monster you're lying next to. We would no longer have to lie about what we did last night.
Here's my question though- are beer goggles a legitimate free pass, or are they just the last shred of an excuse that we're desperately clinging to, in hopes that this can be the time that doesn't count?
If you think about it, the whole idea of being ashamed after sleeping with someone that isn't exactly attractive by social standards kind of makes us all dicks. I mean, who are we to think that we're that fuckin hot and spectacular that we're actually too good for someone that might have a little extra chub on them, or jacked up teeth, or wasn't exactly popular in high school? Here's a little secret: Everyone who was considered a "loser" in high school is now approximately 10 times hotter and more accomplished than the "cool" kids. It's called karma and it's the greatest thing in the whole wide world.
I guess this is another one of those entries that I'm torn about. On one hand, I don't want to judge someone just by their looks, but on the other hand, that's unfortunately the nature of the beast. We all want to end up in bed with a person we're attracted to. If it's just a one night thing, who cares if they're a total asshole. Although 9 times out of 10, the more attractive a guy is, the worse he is in bed because he's never had to work for it. The same goes for the size of their pogo stick. The smaller they are, the more they aim to please. Ask any girl who has experienced all sizes of the scale, I guarantee you she'll agree.
Well I've gotten so off track that I don't even know how to get back to the original concept of this entry. So let's just sum this all up: If you get wasted, you might end up going home with someone that you wouldn't have if you were totally sober. But next time this happens, when you wake up and roll over to the big, hairy man snoring in your ear and drooling on your pillow, replace your initial thought of, "Wha- oh. Ohhhh no....no no no. Shit shit shit" with, "Hmm. Maybe he rescues puppies in his spare time. That's sweet".
Cause what's cuter than a puppy?
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