Ok, so we have- from softest to roughest (is roughest a word? most rough?)- making love, having sex, and fucking. In other words, your appetizer, dinner, and dessert.
Making love is a term that a lot of people feel uncomfortable with. I mean, you really have to be in l-o-v-e with someone to be able to look into their eyes and whisper, "Darling, let's make love tonight". Try doing that without laughing. Seriously, I dare you. Making love is the thing you see in movies where the music comes on in the background (depending on the decade you were born, you have your pick of Barry White, Maxwell, or Robin Thicke) and everything is slow motion and kisses and quick little gasps of breaths when the dude slides in for the first time like it's the most euphoric fuckin feeling the chick has ever felt in her life. Just wait till the end sweetheart, it gets better.
There's a thin line between making love and just having slow, gentle sex. The key word? Love. You really can't "make love" unless you're in love (yikes, I've never typed the word love so much in my life. This is depressing). All of us have had sweet sex with someone, but it doesn't mean that we're expecting a diamond ring afterwards. It's usually just happens when A) the girl is tired of getting rammed against a wall, B) someone has a cramp, or C) the guy is trying to hold in his man juices cause if he gets off one more time without letting the girl get off she's going to punch him in the fuckin nuts.
On that note, there's sex, the most generic type of, well, sex. There's really not a whole lot to be said about it. It's the middle of the road, can do it with anybody regardless of relationship status, putting together of the two puzzle pieces. It feels good, no one gets extraordinarily sore afterwards, and you don't run the risk of feeling either too emotionally mushy or like you have just been used like a human chunk of meat (Mmm, tasty).
Now the grand finale, the don't-try-this-at-home-kids, the 'send in the lube and the handcuffs'. Fucking. One of my favorite words when used as an adjective.
Fucking is something you can do with a one night stand or a long term partner every once in awhile when your Robin Thicke CD starts skipping. It's rough and dirty and sweaty and fast and you feel like you've run a marathon afterwards. Unlike making love which is usually confined to a bed, or having sex which can be on a bed, sofa, shower- all the usual places- fucking can be anywhere. A wall, a floor, a counter, a bed, inside, outside, upside down, right side up, diagonally, top, bottom, side to side, dry, wet, rain, sun, snow, leaves, etc etc etc. It's what you do when you're drunk and it's what you do after you've just had a huge fight and you cannot stand the other person. It's what you see in porns and on Sex & the City whenever Samantha has a scene. It's also a bit of an acquired taste. For the most part, you either like it or you don't.
So that's my take on things. I know my personal favorite of the 3 choices, but a good sex columnist doesn't screw and tell :)
...Was anyone convinced by that? No? Didn't think so.
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