Why I'm Meant To Marry A Guy With A Guitar

What is it about musicians?  Why does a guy with a guitar or a piano make any girl within earshot need a cleanup on aisle 6?  In my opinion, there are two main factors that contribute to this massive wooing that occurs with the first strike of a chord.  

1:  Musicians come off as sensitive, which is sexy, but they can also come off as assholes, which is even sexier.  For example, I may or may not have been watching America's Got Talent the other night.  And this guy Eli something or other comes on with this heartbreaking backstory of how he used to find any hotel with a piano and play for tips but he never even made enough for the bus ride home.  And then they interview his aunt, so you are led to believe that there is an equally heartbreaking explanation of why neither of his parents are there.  So anyway, this Eli guy comes out and just by his look you know he's going to be good, but he's all wide eyed like a gorgeous little deer caught in the headlights.  And he just walks up to a keyboard and starts playing "Walking in Memphis" with one hand while his other hand stays in his pocket.  Then he whips out the other hand, opens his mouth, and makes everyone cry and cheer and stand up and you can tell the kid is just so thankful.  It was at this point where I decided that not only was I going to marry this guy, but that this is the sensitive side of musicians that triggers the part of a girl's brain that makes her imagine up a 5 second montage of her life with this random person who she will never meet in her life.  But then there are the asshole musicians like, I dunno, John Mayer.  Talented as hell, but you know that guy's a douche.  But that's what makes him sexy.

2:  Speaking of John Mayer, the second thing that makes musicians so desirable is how they play their instruments.  I remember back in high school when I went to my first John Mayer concert, the boy humped his guitar.  It was like watching Porn: The Musical.  Needless to say, a girl sees that and can only imagine what could happen when you take that guitar away.  I've started noticing this same kind of thing about Alecia Keys when she plays piano.  That girl is having a personal little moment with her lyrics when she belts them out.  It doesn't suck to watch.

So these are my thoughts towards musicians.  You can be ugly as sin but if you can show girls that you know how to work your fingers and mouth on your respective instrument, well, you're set.