Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Think Before You Fine

A little bit ago I read about how in France, parliament has passed an amendment that bans modeling agencies and fashion brands from employing models they consider "too thin", lest they want to be fined or sent to jail.  Here is the opening paragraph of the article, as well as a link:

"The French parliament has passed a measure that bans modeling agencies and fashion brands from employing models the government deems too thin. Now models will be required to present medical documentation of a body mass index (BMI) of at least 18, Reuters reports. (In 2009, the average French woman’s BMI was 23.2.) People who employ models who fail to meet the requirement could face six months in prison and a fine of €75,000 ($82,417)."




I have a big problem with this.

Those close to me know that I have spent much of the past decade struggling with an eating disorder.  It is not a constant thing and it is not something that, I feel, has gotten to an extremely dangerous point and for that I am lucky.  However, it is something that is a part of my life- although I do not consider it to be part of what makes me, me.  It is not something that I shout from the rooftop (although I suppose I have now announced it from my blog-top), but it's also not something that I shy away from discussing if the matter comes up.

I can only speak for myself, but I will occasionally be referring to things as "we", as I consider certain aspects of eating disorders or body dysmorphia to be fairly consistent throughout each individual's experience.

This measure that France has passed is not helping these girls.  It is essentially telling them that they are wrong, bad, and not good enough.  It is saying, 'The choices that you have made, whether voluntary or involuntary, are so undesirable that we are going to incarcerate people that dare put you in the public eye'.

I understand what France is trying to do, and I understand it's coming from a place of good, but it is not the right approach.  Preaching that 'Real women have curves' is as equally destructive as saying 'Ugh, she's so fat'.  A woman is a woman.  Whether she's big, small, short, tall, has giant breasts, a tiny ass, wears dresses, wears basketball shorts, or is a man that identifies as a woman, you can't just go around telling people what they are or aren't.  I have no curves and I never will.  I have no tits and I never will.  I have big, giant feet that will never look dainty.  But I'm a fucking woman and nothing you say is going to convince me otherwise.

But it still hurts.  It hurts when you haven't eaten more than a handful of cereal in two days and you're miserable because you're fucking STARVING, and then someone looks at you and goes, "Alexis you're so skinny, you need to eat a burger!"  I know this.  We all know this.  Even those in the deepest pits of anorexia or bulimia know that what they are doing isn't healthy.  It hurts when people tell us we would look better with a little more meat on our bones.  It hurts when we can never fill out jeans like other girls can, or when we're out with our friends and only the ones with a large chest and perfect hips get hit on.

In my own experience, I have found equal amounts of pain in being told "You're too skinny" as well as "You gained some weight, you look so good!".  For me it has always been the better I feel mentally, the worse I feel physically and vice versa.  I always knew when things were getting out of control because I would look in the mirror and see dark bags under my eyes, loose skin hanging off of my cheeks, greasy stringy hair and soft fingernails.  I would see that my size 0 pants were falling off of me and I couldn't fill out even my smallest of bras anymore.  I would be more tired than you could ever imagine and the headaches were unbearable at times. I looked and felt terrible, and I didn't need someone pointing this out to me to know it.

On the other hand, I felt equally as terrible when I realized I could only fit into my size 5 jeans, that my shirts were tighter around my stomach, that my cheeks were getting my childhood pudge back into them.  Even today, I'm feeling a little big around the middle and I had to take a moment and convince myself not to change into a baggy shirt before I went to the grocery store.  I know that no one was looking at me and thinking I was heavy.  I know that no one was probably looking at me period.  But those of us who struggle with weight do it for ourselves, not for anyone else.

These models are now essentially being pushed out of a profession that they worked hard to get into.  Those that may struggle with eating disorders will most likely not take this as an opportunity to change their lifestyle and gain a healthy amount of weight.  There's a good chance this could push them further over the edge.

I do want to say- and I would hope you all already realize this- that in no way am I saying it is ok for any of us to be starving ourselves or exercising until we pass out, or throwing up.  Because it's not ok.  It's a horrible, heartbreaking addiction that does need to be addressed.  But it needs to be addressed delicately.  For a lot of people, it takes a long time to accept who you are.  To look at yourself as a whole and then deconstruct the things that aren't allowing you to thrive.

But this whole thing in France- this is not promoting a healthy lifestyle as they claim.  It instead has the potential to tear down people who have already torn themselves down, both physically and mentally, whether they realize it or not.  There are some points later on in the article that I don't completely disagree with, including some discussions on BMI and body image vs. eating disorders, but the general notion of this measure that has been passed really gets to me.

I also feel that I should mention that it has been quite awhile since I have restricted my own eating.  Granted, I don't always eat healthy- most of you know that chocolate is my main food group- but when I feel hungry, I eat. When I feel bloated, I deal with it.  And when I'm not feeling pretty, I turn around and take a look at that fine, fine ass of mine in the mirror.


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