T9 Gets Dirty

Back in college when I wrote my sex column, one of my articles was about Flirt Cheating. Flirt Cheating was a term that I put to the act of flirting with someone while you have a significant other. (Some friends actually had me add it to UrbanDictionary.com, so if you look it up you can get the whole definition). However, in this fancy little technological world that we live in, most of us end up hitting on each other via text.

Enter Sexting.

I'm sure you all know what sexting is, but part of my duty as a blogger is to explain any crazy terms I throw out there. So, sexting is when you suggestively text with someone, often telling them what acts you would do if/when you see each other.

So my question is, is sexting cheating?

My answer, which may completely sell me out not only as a girl but also as someone who has both cheated (back in my younger, incredibly stupid, self-conscious days) and been cheated on, is: Only if you get caught.

Let's lay out some situations featuring my two favorite fake characters from my old columnist days- Jack and Jill.

Situation #1: Jack and Jill have just started dating. It's been about a month and a half, so they're still in their honeymoon stage but are also nowhere near being in love yet and are still nervous around each other. If we're being honest, when you start a relationship with someone (unless you have known each other for years prior), the two of you are still essentially strangers to each other. So Jack is still picking up Jill for all of their dates and they're still asking questions about each other over dinner and while curled up on the couch watching a movie. This is an exciting time, but it's also a time where your head and heart aren't 100% in it. You might still think about your ex, or notice a good-looking guy or gal while you're out and about.

Jack has an ex-girlfriend named Mary. (And yes, she had a little lamb). They dated for 3 years and broke up about a year ago. This has given them enough time to get over any bad feelings towards each other and about 3 months ago they bumped into each other at Wawa and began talking again, just catching up as old friends. They continued to occasionally text each other and even met up for coffee a couple times just to shoot the shit. And sometimes, if they were out with their respective group of friends drinking, they would text each other a suggestive message because they knew every part of each other so well and it just came naturally. Now, Jack told Mary when he started dating Jill, and Mary herself was on the dating scene. In no way did Jack and Mary ever intend on rekindling their relationship, but still, sometimes late at night while lying in bed, Jack's phone would beep and there would be a text from Mary, laying out a hypothetically enticing scenario for him. Jack responds, and this steamy banter continues for a bit until Mary says she is tired and is going to sleep.

Jack never tells Jill about these sporadic texts because he knows that he never, ever plans on actually carrying out the contexts of his sex-texts with Mary. No ones feelings are hurt and Jack and Jill's relationship flourishes.

Situation #2: Jill has been seeing Jack for 6 months and she believes she is falling in love with him. They have a stable relationship and everything is hunky dory. Recently, an old college crush facebook messaged her, saying he saw something that reminded him of her and he hoped she was doing well. His name was Hansel, and Jill had been friends with his sister Gretel. They begin a short and harmless correspondence and one night Hansel texts Jill confessing that he had always wanted to ask her out but he knew she had a boyfriend and it was a shame he had lost his chance. Jill can't help but be flattered and also feels the old twang of attraction towards her former crush. However, she was firmly in her relationship with Jack and had no intention of compromising it. Plus, Hansel had moved to Texas after college to become a professional bull rider.

One night Jack was out of town visiting his aunt, and Jill found herself home alone and bored. So she texts Hansel and before she knows it, they are deep in one of those "if only" conversations. But, you know, all sexy-like. Much like Jack's past texts with Mary, the sexting between Jill and Hansel is not a daily thing. Also like Jack and Mary, Jill never tells her boyfriend about Hansel and the final result is no harm no foul.

Situation #3: Jack and Jill are celebrating their two year anniversary. They recently moved into an apartment above a pizza shop and have talked about marriage in the future. They are deeply in love but also have found themselves in a bit of a slump. This usually happens after a year of dating because you have become so comfortable with each other and have fallen into such a routine that things can become, quite frankly, boring. You're not having as much sex as you used to and you're no longer dressing up for each other or even closing the door when you go to the bathroom.

On nights where Jack and Jill go out with separate social groups, they sometimes find themselves sexting Mary and Hansel, just to feel a little bit of the excitement that was currently lacking in their own relationship. They delete these texts on the car ride home and happily climb into bed together at the end of the night, giving each other a kiss goodnight and saying 'I love you'.

Situations # 4 & 5: Jack is taking a shower on a Friday night in when his phone beeps. Jill sits up on the couch and reads the text. It's Mary and she is drunk and tingly. Jill hears the shower turn off and quickly closes Jack's phone, replacing it on the coffee table and he walks into the living room in his boxers. Jill says that someone texted him and admits that she read it. Obviously upset (but also knowing that she has done the same exact thing), she storms past him and goes to bed, telling him to sleep on the couch that night. The next morning she makes him promise that he will cut off all ties with Mary. She makes Jack tell her if anything physical has happened between Mary and him, and when he honestly tells her no, she decides to forgive him, but obviously keeps her eyes and ears out for any other suspicious behavior. Jack and Jill move past this bump in their relationship and continue on happily.

Or, Jack finds a text from Hansel in Jill's phone. She had forgotten to delete if from the night before. He is furious and feels that he can no longer trust her. He doesn't want any guy sexting his girlfriend, hell, he doesn't like it when a guy just texts his girlfriend. He tell her that she disgusts him and they break up.

Jill moves back in with her parents but not before keying Jack's car.

So while sexting may not be considered 100% moral while you're in a relationship, the fact of the matter is that people have needs and sometimes you need a little harmless electronic contact to truly appreciate the person you're with. I should also add that if this sexting ever does get literally physical or you realize that you have formed an emotional attachment with this person, do your significant other a favor and end things with them. Nothing in the world hurts more than being cheated on and nothing makes you feel more guilty than cheating. Well, at least it should make you feel guilty. And if it doesn't, well, you suck.

Also, I must end this with saying that if you are single, sext it up homie. SEXT IT UP.