He Was...

...the kind of person who laughed with his entire body- the kind of laugh that made everyone around him sublimely happy.

...the sophomore who walked into my little freshman dorm and changed everything.

...my first friend there, subsequently formatting my entire college path.

...the oh-so-memorable first college kiss; the one you never, ever wanted to-or could-forget.

...the one whose bed was always made perfectly, each blue and white plaid stripe straight as an arrow.

...the boy who would prop open the back door with a rock or his shoe so I could run through the scary tunnel outside ML at night and sneak into the dorm to see him.

...an old soul trapped in a frat boy's body.

...the boy who would get so mad at me when he knew I wasn't living up to my potential and what I deserved.

...brilliant, motivated, compassionate- all the makings of an utterly amazing person.

...the one who was never too far away, from that first night to the last night, four years later.

...beautiful, inside and out.

...the one who left more people than he could ever imagine crying and screaming and praying that this wasn't real.

...the one whose funeral I couldn't bring myself to go to because my last image of you is so perfect.

...the one who had everything to live for. The one who would give so much to this world. The one that was taken too soon.

I don't know what I believe happens to people when they die, but if there is a heaven, I know you're there. And if you see a stunning lady sitting at a bar on a cloud drinking a martini, that's my grandmom. Say hi, I think you'd get a kick out of her ;)

I will always remember you and be thankful for everything you have given me and every second that we spent together. You will always be one of the best people I have ever known.

RIP MRZ 12/5/1984 - 7/2/2010

Untitled: 3

Jane followed Darryl to the center of The Square, the benches and people growing larger with each step towards them. It was still raining, although it had recently slowed down to a consistent drizzle. Either way, Jane wished she had an umbrella.

As if reading her mind, Darryl reached into a large pocket barely attached to his coat and pulled out a small black umbrella.

"Here, I'm used to the rain," he said, offering her the compact refuge from the weather. "You can hold onto this as long as you want, I've got another one back in the alley."

Jane gratefully took the umbrella, mumbling 'Thanks'. Opening it up, she noticed that one neat corner of the fabric was missing. Darryl chuckled.

"Forgot to tell you, that umbrella comes with a sunroof. Just stay under the right side and you'll be A-Ok. People 'round here really don't care what you look like, but the newcomer's tend to want to keep up their appearance."

Jane found herself slightly embarrassed at this slight judgement of vanity, but chose to smile and huddle under the functioning three-quarters of the umbrella. It was then she realized how unbelievably tired she was.

As they reached the The Square, everyone immediately stopped their conversation and looked at the old pro and the rookie approaching them.

"'Ey Darryl, looks like you picked up another poor soul without them askin', huh?" The man speaking had a Scottish accent and looked roughly like a red-headed Santa Claus. Darryl laughed and pointed to Jane with his thumb.

"This here's Jane. First time out here, but I have a feeling she'll fit in just fine. Isn't that right Jane?" Darryl smiled and nudged Jane with his elbow.

Jane smiled tightly and looked across the group of people in front of her; men, women, her age, old, older. She held up her hand then quickly dropped it back to her side.

"Hi."

A woman with gray hair, curled around her face in severe little corkscrews, laughed and slapped her knee.

"Ah, we got a talker here, huh?"

Jane looked to Darryl for some sort of moral support, but all she got was a toothy grin from him.

"You hungry, dear?" the same woman asked. "We got some food on the grill." She nodded off to the side, towards the grill which stood in front of the largest man Jane had ever seen, flipping some sort of white-ish looking meat product. Exhaustion was sweeping over Jane at an alarming rate, and all she really wanted to do was close her eyes. She looked back to Darryl and spoke, somewhere between a whisper and a plea.

"Darryl? I'm really tired..."

Darryl nodded and turned to the woman.

"No food tonight Darlene. Our newest resident needs her sleep."

Darlene's expression turned to sympathy as she tipped her head in understanding. Darryl said goodbye to the group and turned around, Jane following closely behind.

"You can sleep in my spot tonight, until you get your own area situated tomorrow. I'll just grab one of those benches."

"But it's raining." Jane said, not wanting to put Darryl out while at the same time dreading the idea of spending the night in a homeless stranger's makeshift bed.

"Nah, a little rain is good for a person. Cleanses the mind." Darryl laughed and led Jane into the YBR.

They walked halfway down the alley until Darryl stopped and pointed to their left.

"Home sweet home."

Darryl's home sweet home was a small lean-to made of plywood. Underneath was a cot covered in a red and black plaid sleeping bag, and on either side of the cot were cardboard boxes and milk crates; turned on their sides and stacked on top of one another. Jane was surprised at how the bed and makeshift dressers were, well, cozy.

"Casa a la Darryl." he said, spreading his arms wide and grinning from ear to ear. "Make yourself at home, and if you need anything, I'll be right on one of those benches we were just at. And if you want, I'll bring you some food in case you decide in a bit you're hungry after all."

Jane was in fact starving but the weight of her eyelids overturned her stomach's pleas to be filled.

"I'm ok, thanks."

Darryl clasped his hands together before sticking them in his coat pockets, now free of umbrellas. "Alright, you're all set then. Have a pleasant evening my dear."

With the tip of an imaginary hat, Darryl retreated back towards the entrance to the alley and soon was lost from sight. Jane slumped down on the cot and looked around her. Before she could even process the night that had just occurred, she was deep in a dreamless sleep and wouldn't wake up until morning.

Untitled: 2

It wasn't like the movies portrayed it. There wasn't a group of haggard old men huddled around a fire in a trash can, surrounded by shopping carts. There weren't people wearing shoes that were too small for them with the tops cut off so their toes poked through. No one had a blanket made of newspaper. It was simply a group of people that were, for lack of a better word, camping indefinitely.

"We call this The Square," Darryl explained, extending his arm and waving his hand with a flourish. "It's kinda like our version of a community center; where we all come to hang out and try to have some fun."

After their introductions on the street earlier, Jane had allowed herself to follow Darryl back to where he stayed. Almost a half hour later, she found herself walking into what looked like a run-down neighborhood. The Square was an old soccer field behind a high school that had closed down years before but was never built into anything else. Behind the field were a series of alleys leading into different wings of the school which itself was shaped like the letter E. Darryl led Jane past The Square, which was equipped with benches and an old barbeque grill. There was a handful of people lounging on the benches, talking and laughing. Continuing on, Darryl pointed to each alley as they passed them.

"These alleys are where we sleep. Their kind of like streets in a neighborhood to us. This first one is called Ned's Alley. Named after a man named Ned, surprise surprise, who was one of the first people to set up this place. The second one is Brick Lane cause the wall on one side is crumbling and bricks tend to fall out- just be careful if you ever go down there. And this," Darryl stopped in front of the third alley and once again held out his arm, "this is where I reside. Welcome to The Yellow Brick Road, or the YBR. It used to be called Third Street but once I got here I changed the name immediately. My daughter's favorite movie was The Wizard of Oz, so it just seemed appropriate to me."

"You have a daughter?" Jane asked, looking at Darryl. His eyes quickly fell and he scratched at his beard.

"Yeah." he paused then quickly stood up straight. "Alright, let's go meet everyone, shall we?"

Jane nodded. She would make sure to find out more later.

Untitled: 1

Jane didn't know her real name. Each day as she wandered the streets, she would keep her ears open for interesting names she heard along the way; Pearl, Daisy, Autumn, wondering if any of them could maybe be hers. Darryl told her that Jane was a perfectly suitable name.

"It's a hell of a name, kid," he would say, running his fingers through his beard, trying to comb out the knots. "It's sturdy, personable, classic."

"It's boring Darryl." Jane would sigh, slouching down and picking at her nails.

"Nothing's boring unless you make it so."

Darryl was the closest thing to a parent that Jane ever had. The first day she found herself out on the streets, it was raining and miserable, just like the middle of November always seemed to be. Jane found herself cringing between the weather and the homeless stereotype she was rapidly living up to.

Darryl approached Jane, not the other way around. She was walking close to a row of stores, trying to remain under the narrow awning above the windows. She didn't know quite what she was looking for; a pair of steps, a bridge, an empty porch.

"There's not much around here in terms of shelter."

Jane looked around, searching for the voice. She found its source in a man walking slightly behind her; close enough to hear but far enough to outweigh any sort of creepiness factor. Not sure whether to approach the man or quickly cross the street, Jane kept a steady pace as if to let the man decide the next move of action.

"You're new out here, huh?" the voice returned, the man continuing to keep an accommodating distance. "I can always spot 'em right away. I am a seasoned pro out here after all. Hell, I've been here since you were merely an item on God's To-Do list. Unless you don't believe in God. Either way is fine by me. In fact, I don't really believe in him either. But if you pretend that you do, you always get an extra scoop of crappy food from the church during Christmas time."

The man paused, most likely waiting for a response from Jane. She considered giving one, only to find she couldn't think of a single thing to say back.

They walked in silence for a moment.

"Ah, the silent type, I see. That's fine. If you ain't got nothin to say, why bother wasting the air? That's what I always say. Although, I'm a bit too much of a chatter-box myself to follow my own advice. But like I said, I'm a vet out here. I've earned it I like to think."

Jane stopped and turned around. The man stopped too, remaining slightly back. Jane stared at the man and opened her mouth, although it took a second for any sound to come out.

"Is this one of those deals where you act all nice and friendly and then get me back to your place and it turns out you're some crazy maniac who preys on young girls alone out in the rain?"

A slight yet thoughtful smile spread across the man's face.

"Ma'am, that can't possibly be true on account of the fact that I don't even have a place to be a crazy maniac in."

Jane looked away and then shifted her eyes back to look at the man. She screwed up her mouth in uncertainty and scratched her nose. Taking a few steps forward, she held out her hand.

"I'm Jane."

"Darryl," the man said, stepping forward himself and extending his own hand, "Damn pleased to meet you."

Sessions: 8

Believe it or not, I've always been a sucker for epilogues.  I love when, at the end of a story, the narration jumps to ten years in the future and everyone is happily married, or having babies, or dead.  Well, the happily married happened; my brother and his fiancee are now Mr. and Mrs. Snowball and, on my suggestion via my therapist's suggestion, found a great time share in St. Thomas for their honeymoon where my brother immediately proceeded to knock up his new bride.  On a drastically less happy note, my dad had a heart attack about a month after the wedding.  I took all of my vacation and sick days that had been piling up at work and took a month off to go home and help take care of him.  That's where I am now.  Dad's been in the hospital for a while; he had to have the whole bypass surgery deal.  During this time I've been staying with my mom, helping her get her mind off the whole ordeal.  She's even attempted to teach me how to cook.  I am proud to say that I have now regained my talent for orchestrating the perfect bowl of instant oatmeal.  And I can almost make a meatball.  Almost.

While Dad's in the hospital recovering, I've been going there every day to sit with him.  We watch Family Feud on the tiny TV hanging from the ceiling, or he continuously kicks my ass in Gin Rummy.  I always find a way to get some of the nurses to play which Dad gets a kick out of.  Tonight as I was leaving, he said he had something to tell me.

"What's that, Dad." I say, sticking one arm into my coat sleeve.

"You're good at what you do, you know that?" he says, shifting in his hospital bed.

"Well thanks, I try my best I suppose." I answer, stepping forward to fix the pillow that had slipped behind his head. "Here, sit up for a sec."

He leans forward as I pile the pillows behind his back and smooth down the sheets around it.

"I'm serious," he says, "You're good at what you do.  But, I think you should try something else."

"Try something else?  Like what?"

Dad leans back and settles into his bed. "You've always had so much going on in that head of yours.  Let it out.  You used to write poetry and stories all the time in college.  Go back to that."

I sigh and begin buttoning up my coat.

"Dad, there's not really a rich lucrative career behind writing.  I make good money now.  I can pay the rent.  I'm good."

He shakes his head.  "No, no.  You can do better."

I kiss him on the forehead and tell him I'll be back tomorrow.  Driving home I made every single green light.  Maybe I'll stick around here a little longer than I planned.  Find some tree to sit under and write a poem or something.  I dunno, we'll see.

The End.

(for now)

Sessions: 6 & 7

My brother called me the other night and told me he was getting married.  His girlfriend- or fiancee now I guess- immediately grabbed the phone from him and started shrieking about how I just had to be her maid of honor because it would mean so much to her and my brother and she never had a sister but always wanted one and even though she knows she never told me before I'm like a sister to her and I just have to be in the wedding and won't I please please please please please?

I told her ok.

She told me Snowball was going to be the ring bearer.

I immediately regretted my decision.

*

"My brother's getting married."

"Really?  Well congratulations to him.  How does that make you feel?"

I thought about it.

"I want to stop coming here."

"Stop your therapy sessions?"

"Yeah.  I think I'm done."

"Sunny, I don't know if that's such a good idea."

I stretched my arms out in front of me and stood up.

"Yeah, well, we'll see how it goes I guess.  Now, are you the kind of doctor that can prescribe me stuff?  I need to make nice with a cat and I'm gonna need some allergy medicine."