On To The Next...

I don't even know how to begin processing the last 365 days.  Coming off of 2011, a period of time that I consider a lost year, I didn't even know myself.  I was so numb that year, locked in what I can only describe as an emotional coma.  To be honest, I have very little memory of that time.  It was probably one of the most difficult periods of my life.

Then, eight days into 2012, I met someone who brought me back to life.  I don't want to delve too much into that relationship, but all you need to know is that I would not change one second of it, good or bad. At the end of the day, it made me realize that after what I went through in the past, I was stronger than I thought.  And the other person was equally as strong, if not more so.

I moved into my apartment, claiming true independence for the first time in my life.  After 26 years, I had a home.

I accepted the loss of old friends, welcomed the presence of new ones, and appreciated those that have always stuck by me.  I also said goodbye to someone who was taken away too soon, but left a lasting imprint on everyone that was lucky enough to know her.

Then, after a chance sighting, I reconnected with the man who I had built a family with four years ago. A lot of people didn't understand or approve, but I had no doubts that this was what was supposed to happen.

On the same page, the bookstore where this man and I had met, on my 22nd birthday next to the cookbooks, closed its doors.  Today, in fact.  For many people there it was a loss of their jobs, their coworkers and friends, their home away from home.  For me, it was the loss of the place where I met the person who changed everything.

This year has brought a lot of pain and a lot of happiness.  It has brought uncertainty and regret and acceptance.  But to be honest, I'm ready for it to be over.  I feel like it was the stepping stone between the lost year and the rest of my life, my happiness.

So I'm not sad to see this year go.  I'm ready for 2013 and I know that I have to take control in order for it to become what I want.