Platonic Friend? What's a Platonic Friend?

Yesterday I was sitting outside with a friend, enjoying a mid-afternoon cocktail to celebrate the insanely beautiful weather that lasted a whopping 15 or so hours. We got on the topic of friends that went a little something like this:

-It's great to have a main group of friends, but you also need a couple sub-groups in order to appreciate that main group.

-It's equally great when individuals from these various groups get along, but let's be honest, the two should never become each other's besties (I'm so so so sorry for using that word...)

-It's harder to meet new friends at this age, unless it's at work or school. I'm not expecting to walk into a bar and leave later that night with a new girl friend.

-Most of my "outside" friends are guys.

-Most of these guys started as either boyfriends or friends with benefits.

-Holy shit, I have no platonic guy friends.

-Cut to me frantically scrolling through the contacts in my phone, desperately searching for a guy whose naughty bits I haven't seen, all the while muttering, "No...no...no...god dammit."

Now, don't misinterpret this as me being some Loosey Lucy. This rolodex of friends spans over almost a decade, and if we're being honest with ourselves, guys and girls don't approach each other at this age to simply be friends. When I see a guy in an insert-social-setting-here, I don't think "Gee, what a nice looking fellow. I bet he and I could be great friends with no undertone of attraction towards each other. I wonder if he wants to go roller skating next weekend and we can use the couple's skate as a time to sit off to the side and eat our separately bought soft pretzels..."

Also, let me just point out that my lack of platonic friends excludes guys that are dating/engaged/married to girls I know. It also excludes any friends of whoever I'm dating at the time. These two types of guys are obviously as platonic as can be.

So I guess my question is this: Is it pretty much the norm at this point to maintain friendships out of something that originally started as a hook-up? Personally I don't see the problem with this. One of the people that I enjoy hanging out with the most is my ex-boyfriend from when I was 17. When we get together there is no pressure, no jealousy, just comfort and a good time. We talk about our current relationships and trade advice and stories. There is no topic off limits for us and we have a lot of the same values and cynicism when it comes to dating. And, whenever we both happen to be single at the same time, we hook up (I know people have different ideas about what "hook up" means, so just take it however you want to in this and any future blog posts). We've been doing this for 7 years and never once has there been a problem.

So I guess that would go under the category "Friends Who Sometimes Hook Up". But what about "Hook Ups Who Are Sometimes Friends"?

Well fear not, cause I have one of those too :)

This is a guy whom I've written about a thousand times in the past so I'm sure those of you that know me personally can figure out his identity. He started as a rebound after my Big College Break-Up, and it didn't take long for us to become completely enthralled with each other. When it came to defining our relationship and slapping a title on it, the details were so fuzzy that it just was what it was. As the years passed and we maintained a friendship, it became apparent that the days of us talking on the phone for hours and hours were over. Now, we couldn't hold a full conversation with each other unless we were drunk or were looking for a little sumthin' sumthin'. So that's what we are. Hook-up buddies who are completely bored with each other every time we're both fully clothed. Now, there are other aspects to the two of us; we've been through a lot and have respect for each other and there are lots of different angles that, again, if you know me well you're already aware of, but the bottom line is that our most successful hang-outs include a trip to the liquor store and an empty apartment.

Just to cover all, well most, bases, there's also the guy friend that you happened to hook up with a couple of times and then go back to just being buddies without anything changing; or the guy who you gave a pity kiss to cause it turned out that he liked you but you didn't like him, but he was a nice enough guy that you just went with it and hoped it would just be a one time thing.

Last but not least, there is the "Uhhh...I Have Nooooo Idea" guy friend. These are the best, and this is what I'm dealing with right now. Much like one of the aforementioned guys, this one started as a rebound. Here's the simple formula of my own situation, but I would say 99% of it can be applied to the overall general rules of an "Uhhh...I Have Nooooo Idea" guy:

We see each other at a bar, get to talking which leads to flirting which leads to making out inside the bar, outside the bar, inside his car, outside his car...and so on and so forth. The next day he takes me out on a date and I realize that even though he is THE MOST DROP DEAD GORGEOUS LIVING CREATURE ON EARTH, he doesn't give me butterflies and this will probably be our last date. He asks me out on a second date and I think to myself "Eh, why the hell not", but this date still does not leave me with the tingly little feeling in the pit of my stomach that says "I like this guy". But then I realize that he is extremely polite and opens car doors and drives to my house to pick me up instead of me always having to go to him, and he plays with my dog even though he is ungodly allergic and practically has to be carted away to the emergency room every time he's over. I realize that he is completely outgoing which makes me outgoing, and he gets along with my friends, hell, he gets along with everyone. And he calls me or texts me every day, and he might be the best kisser I've ever kissed, and he's definitely the best sexer I've ever sexed, and there was that one week when I swore that I actually did like him...

But bottom line? I have no clue how he feels about me and he has no clue how I feel about him. We've simply never talked about it. We've been doing our thing for quite awhile now and I still have no clue if we're dating, or if we're just friends, or if we're even friends at all. I don't know if I'm the only girl he's seeing, and he would have no way of knowing if I was doing the same exact thing with somebody else. Yes we talk everyday but we only see each other a couple of times a week. There is so much uncertainty, and you know what? IT'S FUCKIN AWESOME.

There is absolutely no pressure which is exactly what I need right now. I'm telling you, next time you get out of a really serious relationship, get yourself one of these guys. I'm not ready for a serious boyfriend but I do miss the companionship of a steady guy. And now I have that. I want someone that I know will be there for me when I need him, whether it's just to talk or to jump, and I have that. I don't feel tied down to anyone so if I meet someone and they want to take me out, I feel no guilt in saying yes. This type of guy alone knocks all other types of non-platonic friends out of the ballpark.

Now, all of these examples aren't to say that having a purely, non-sexual guy friend is a bad thing. Guy friends are what keep us sane in comparison to our girl friends. All I'm saying is that they're harder to come by these days.

I'm so tempted to make a that's-what-she-said joke out of that last sentence...