The downside? Totally bummed.
The upside? More blogs will be coming your way as I step away from a long term, stable relationship and re-enter the world of awkward first dates and having to shave above the knee.
A few months ago, I made the decision to end my relationship. No one did anything wrong, there was no fighting or ugliness, there was just a non-negotiable life decision that we couldn't agree on. Did it suck? Yeah, it super fucking sucked. Did it have to happen? Unfortunately, yes.
So after 6 years, we found ourselves packing our things, splitting up the dogs, and walking away. I think I've been handling things pretty well, although I'm not going to lie and say it didn't take me awhile not to fall apart every time I left work and had to turn left out of the parking lot to my new apartment instead of right, towards my old home full of love and puppies and comfy nights watching 'The Office' while eating a frozen pizza. I miss a lot of things, but that's the whole point of a break-up. You're sad and you miss things. And then you move on because you have to.
Now I'm Single Alexis again, which I have totally forgotten how to be. I know I used to have some degree of game (do the kids still call it 'game' nowadays?), but that was back when I was young and could stay up past 10:30 without getting tired, and eat carbs all day like a freakin' hooligan without gaining a pound.
Now I'm in bed practically before the sun sets, and a piece of bread has me on the ground in the fetal position for roughly 2-3 hours.
Everyone asks me if I would consider online dating. Like, EVERYONE asks me. Some people have asked me multiple times. My answer is always the same.
No.
I have nothing against the idea of online dating; in fact, I know quite a few people who have done it. Some have even married the person they met. It's just not for me, and this is why:
I'm not going to spend $30 a month so I can have potentially creepy strangers message me online, when I can be out in the real world for free, meeting potentially creepy strangers face to face. Furthermore, I feel like if you make your first impression of someone based on the things they have told you via email- or even over the phone- it's not an accurate first impression. The reason I think this is because I know I would DEFINITELY make myself sound waaaayyyy cooler than I actually am, if the person I was talking to had nothing to base their opinion on besides a profile picture and some general information about my age, ethnicity, and whether I was a dog or cat person. I could very easily be on the phone with some guy, making myself out to be the god damn Duchess of Awesome, when in reality I'm sprawled out on the couch in yesterday's underwear, eating mini tacos.
Another reason I shy away from online dating is because I figure that if I meet a guy at the store or the dog park or wherever, aesthetically speaking he is seeing the real me. Hair in a bun, barely any makeup except for my attempt at covering up my adult zits (which are like teenager zits, but they're more aggressive because they know what they want in life), and a head to toe Target outfit that cost a total of $12. By seeing how a person looks in their everyday life right off the bat, this decreases the pressure of having to get super gussied up once you go on your first date. Plus, when I try to put on a full face of makeup and do my hair, I end up looking something like this:
Don't get me wrong- I've been out, I've met some people, I have high hopes. Well, maybe medium hopes...best to start low and work ones way up. Is it the absolute worst to suddenly be single when every other person you know is getting married and having babies? Like, EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON? Yes. I truly love you all, but on this end of things, it's soul-crushingly rough.
Still, I see my current situation as a good thing. I get to start over, which gets a little easier to accept every day. For the first time in a long time, I can do whatever I want, go wherever I want, and see whoever I want. And once I figure out what exactly it is that I want, I'll go ahead and do it. But in the meantime, I'm ok with my couch and mini tacos.
