Ok, so as most of you know by now, Facebook has recently set out to remind us in one minute flat just how pathetic or awesome the last 10 years of our lives have been. Normally I would be all over this because if there's one thing I love, it's a picture slideshow set to sappy music. And make it a picture slide show about ME?...sign my narcissistic ass up!
Unfortunately, within the first 3 seconds of my video, I was already re-evalutating my life and wondering where I went wrong.
You see, apparently they use your oldest profile picture as the very first slide. Now, although this may seem hard to believe, I don't go back and revisit my album of profile pictures, so you can imagine my surprise when a picture of me and a very significant ex of mine popped up on my screen. A picture I hadn't seen in years. A picture of me kissing his freakin nose because at the time I was just so relieved to have a boyfriend- and a very, very serious boyfriend at that- that I apparently needed the entire world to know.
This led me to think about all of the people I have dated between him and my current relationship, and it made me kind of sad to think about everything- and everyone?- I've been through since then. It also made me mad because I don't think people should be judged if they date a lot of people, and I certainly was. I was never blind to the fact that there were quite a few people in college who told people I was a slut, or just assumed that I was sleeping with every guy I hung out with. The fact of the matter is, I wasn't being trampy, I was being a college student (Because lord knows in high school I wasn't doing anything. While other kids were off drinking and rubbing their American Eagle jeans together, I was playing pool or riding around in Claudia's truck. No drinking, no drugs, no sex, no anything but the very rare kiss from a guy.). In addition, I've never had a one night stand, I've never gotten knocked up, and I've never had to refer back to the STD slideshow they showed us in 12th grade health class. Although...if I'm being honest, it is strange sometimes to compare my former carefree life to my current one where I'm living with my long term boyfriend and where we refer to ourselves as Mommy and Daddy when talking to our pets.
Anyway, the remainder of the pictures on the Facebook video were of people I haven't talked to in years, and every single Russian Christmas family photo of the last 3 years. No pictures of the girl's I've been friends with for over a decade, no pictures of Dave and I, no pictures of the animals- and god knows I've posted enough pictures of them on Facebook that at least one should have popped up.
Lastly, all of my "significant posts" from the past 10 years have been about getting a job, all of which - with the exception of my current one- obviously haven't worked out. Especially my "dream job", which ended up being the portal to Hell, with the devil herself blowing fairy dust in my face and telling me I might actually look a little pretty if I put on makeup once in awhile.
Now let's all take a moment to acknowledge that I just wasted an entire blog post explaining why a company full of hipster strangers in California who know absolutely nothing about me have given me a complex about my life. Well played Zuckerberg, well played.
