It's amazing under what circumstances people come and go from your life. It can be a family member, a friend, a significant other; you could have had a fight resulting in a huge falling out, you could have simply lost touch, or- sorry for being morbid- the person could have passed away. Nothing hurts more than losing someone, regardless of in what capacity. On the flip side, nothing feels better than getting that person back. Unfortunately, the latter doesn't happen nearly as often as the former.
I don't know if it's because I have more time on my hands as of late to rummage through old stories and pictures and memories of mine, but I've been taking a pretty serious ride down Nostalgia Lane these past couple of weeks. And let's just get this out of the way now: the existence of Facebook is ruining the whole concept of "ignorance is bliss". Private lives are a thing of the past and now it is far too easy to spend a good chunk of your day stalking and crying. Oh, don't pretend like you haven't done that. We all have and we will all continue to. Mark Zuckerberg has us by the balls and he's not letting go until he retires in his mansion full of "Look, I'm Just Like You!" zip-up hoodies from TJ Maxx. (I just assume that Marky Z is a Maxxinista).
What's strange to me is that it doesn't matter how long you know a person, loss is loss. I was best friends with M and C for TWENTY YEARS, and then one day a misunderstanding of something that was intended to be a good deed completely blew up in our faces and wrecked one of the most epic friendships of all time. And C, I did see you in Dunkin Donuts the other day, I just pretended not to because I couldn't emotionally deal with saying hello and you maybe not saying it back. I found that story I had started to write a few years ago about our future selves, I guess you could say it was a followup to MACC Sisterhood. You know, the one where each of our parts were written in a different color, and I used to email it to you in installments. Needless to say, it made me miss you both so much. Sometimes I wonder how different everything would be if we were still the best part of each others' lives.
More often I think about how I couldn't have imagined, not in a million lifetimes, that we would not be at each other's weddings; that we would not hold each other's babies...that we would not live out our last remaining senile years together at the retirement home, just like we said we always would.
M and C don't even know this blog exists but who knows, maybe it will get back around to them. The Internet is a funny thing.
B- You saved me and you know it. And then you called me and said you couldn't do it anymore. After all of the promises and music notes and realizations that very few people were lucky enough to have what we had, you backed out. And I will never, ever believe that she had no part in it.
J- What we did to deserve what we were put through, I'll never know. I'm honestly dreading the day when we both realize the mistake we made and run back to each other, only to find it's too late.
D- You're back. And that is the one bright light peeking through this big cloud of what if's and why's.
I'm sorry if this entry was boring for most of you. But sometimes a girls just gotta write out loud.
